Reframing Challenging Moments

Sometimes personal growth work is draining. The worst part is when I discover that I’m the problem. The problem meaning that, as usual, it’s how I am interpreting the world around me that makes it so hard for me to feel at peace. Byron Katie says “It is what I am believing about the world that is the cause of my suffering, not the world.”

I’ve quoted this before on this blog and in my periodic newsletters. Tonight, I don’t like it one bit. I want it to be that someone else is the problem and they need to change. I have watched this Gabor Maté interview clip a few times and it is lightening fast at reaching my triggers. Yes, of course what I’m feeling right now is some anger and sadness. Yes, of course I know it is all about me and how I am perceiving the ‘other’. And yes I know all too well that the roots of these emotions have historical beginnings. I feel myself sitting across the table from this man whose work I have admired for two decades and not wanting to own my stuff. I want to make the other person wrong.

Yet, tonight I also feel the wisdom of surrender beckoning me into a place of acceptance and understanding. My friend reminded me a few days ago that the Law of Attraction is always at work whether I believe it or not. My clients have heard me say that more times than I can count. And I believe it. I just hadn’t put two and two together that my inability to accept and respect myself on some level is giving me those experiences in some painful ways in the world around me. Not everywhere but in enough places that I can’t ignore it. That’s Gabor’s message and I learned some version of this when my journey of self-discovery began 25 years ago.

So, I have more work to do and fortunately I have friends and colleagues who are very kind, empathetic and direct at helping me through these tight squeezes. I can see most of the cracks in the foundation of my thinking. Reframing the conversations and interactions can only help. While I may still want other people to behave differently, I am equally committed to doing my own work of healing to move closer to my desired outcome of living on purpose with joy and peace.